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January 04, 2019
7:35 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
I am feeling good today. On the verge of life-is-a-beautiful-thing good. I haven’t felt that way in weeks.
January 02, 2019
7:31 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
My spirits are lifting. Venus and the moon doing a pas de deux in the eastern sky. I make pictures that will show them tiny and bright, more or less the way my eyes see them. My interest is in how they appear to the naked being, as they might have appeared to cave man or woman.
Ziggy-cat is retreating into a good place in my memory; a place where he and our other deceased animal companions enjoy robust health and dog/kitty happiness.
This morning’s Daily Om is about living honestly and with integrity and knowing that if you do, you are enough. Someone should tell Donald Trump how to be enough.
…I intend to spend substantial time being present and grateful for what is in front of me. I will not defer joy to some future-will-be that may or may not become, or lose it in a haze of past regrets.
January 01, 2019
8:05 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
The barista comes over to apologize for her “steak face” when I asked her about the end of her year. Apparently the customers before me had been obnoxious. The Brownian motion of humans bumping into one another emotionally. Trajectories change.
I made no resolutions this year.
I only have intentions.
I intend to:
…be a person who uplifts rather than tears down;
…make the work, because I know something will come of it;
…lose some weight;
…drink less and still be calm.
That is what I can think of right now.
December 31, 2018
7:31 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
Today, we say goodbye to Ziggy-cat. When I am done with my coffee and writing I will walk next door to the vet’s office and make the arrangements. Ziggy has stopped eating. It is time.
It's been difficult for Holly to let go. She seems to find it particularly hard with the pusses. I told her last night that I thought the time had come, that he wasn't going to get any better. She cried, but agreed.
I am glad to have had this last week with him. I am glad he made me look at him, touch him, make room for him in my lap. I am glad he insisted I be present.
A text message from Holly. It seems Ziggy climbed the stairs to the bedroom and was sitting there when she woke up. He hasn't been upstairs in months. I wouldn't have thought he had the strength.
And so, on this last day of 2018, we will let go of his sweet kitty presence. Presences come and go. The universe churns on. I'm not sure what it all means.
More texts from Holly about Ziggy. I tell her to stop, she is making me cry in public.
December 30, 2018
8:13 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
I drank too much last night but seem to have been let off with only a slap on the hangover wrist.
As I waited for the coffee shop to open this morning, a young woman got out of her car and started chatting with me. She had dark eyes, dark brown hair and a round face. She was very friendly. As another woman got out of her car to come wait with us she asks my name and then introduces "Michael" to her friend "Catherine." I wondered what to make of her friendliness.
Ziggy slept in my lap again last night. This morning it was clear he hadn’t eaten. If he has stoped eating it is time to let him go. I resist writing "pull the plug,” which seems too disconnected.
This morning on Brain Pickings Bertrand Russell makes the case for everyone having significant amounts of free time. He thought it should be possible to arrange ourselves so nobody works more than four hours a day for necessities. He believed that large amounts of “free” time would lead people to fill that time with their passions to the benefit of society. Imagine that. All of us spending most of our time doing what we are inspired to do.